How can we, as loved ones, help meth addicts?

the
funny
farm9

How can we - as loved ones, help our meth addicts?

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I agree with you to some extent. However, I think it is apparent by the many postings from loved ones and family members on this board that those who have never resided in the clutches of this vile drug have absolutely no clue what is going on inside of their addict.

I'm not sure if I am allowed to start a new post and quote a previous post in it. But this brought an interesting question to my mind. If we can't ever understand it, how can we help our beloved meth addicts?
I don't want this to come across the wrong way, I am being serious as can be. I guess I did not understand this drug at all until I visited this board.
How can I ever help if I never truly knew or will know what was going on in her head (my sister)
I want her back, I need my sister. HOW do I help her on her way back.
Right now, I feel she is still living a lie - she is 35 days clean (in a treatment facility) but is still almost psychotic. She seems to me like she is one small step from falling off the cliff if you know what I mean. (going completely bat-shit) I really don't want that to happen and I don't know what to do to prevent it.
Thanks for any advice or help you can give me.
She has no significant other - in her words they were only fellow meth heads - so I feel I need to be there for her, and I don't know what to freakin do and it is driving me crazy!

Replies...

forget
suzette

Re: How can we - as loved ones, help our meth addicts?

All you can do is educate yourself.
....protect yourself, and take care of yourself.

otherwise, you become co dependent.
................you end up being the fall guy.

the best you can do is say..
...I know you are a speed freak,and i can't watch you die.

.... when you understand you are becoming a ghoul, and
really want to be in this world.

...I'll support your decision.

he's not busy being born, he's busy dying --

whoops!

...if she's 35 days clean.
educate yourself, and don't take her attitude to personal.

and anything you cook, would be much appreciated!

Terry
Ca

Re: How can we - as loved ones, help our meth addicts?

Just being there for your sister with love/compassion you are helping her. She is in good hands in the treatment program.

And saying that a non-user doesn't know what an addict is going through inside is such an absolute. Like there is no room for a difference of opinion. I think this message board is really a great site but some people here are a little biased, it's their way or the highway. I personally do not like to be categorized. It's like being herded into the cattle corral etc.

Bless your good heart!

Give your burden to God cause that helps me live each day knowing my daughter is still using. Be thankful your sister is starting her recovery. Pray it continues.

the
funny
farm9

Re: How can we - as loved ones, help our meth addicts?

God Bless Both of you for replying!!
ForgetSuzette I am taking everything you said to heart and Terry I am also taking everything you said to heart and I will be praying my heart out for your daughter. Thank you for replying. it feels so good not to feel alone in this journey that I didn't choose.

nine
years
clean

Re: How can we - as loved ones, help our meth addicts?

Hello sweetheart.

Here's the deal:

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I'm not sure if I am allowed to start a new post and quote a previous post in it.

Yes, you are allowed to do that.

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If we can't ever understand it, how can we help our beloved addicts?

By learning all you can and about meth addiction and your options as the loved one or family member of an addict.

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How can I ver help if I never truly knew or will know what was going on in her head

Helping her is one thing, asking for help for her is another. SHE has to ask for help, on her own. Until that happens, there is nothing you can do for her. She is falling and you cannot catch her. Only SHE can find that moment in time, or not.

I'm sorry. Those are the facts, mam.

strunz
leon

Re: How can we - as loved ones, help our meth addicts?

one little advice... if you tell somebody that's wrong or make some negative comments but truth about what we doing... personally i think it will get the person away from you and closer to it, because the only people that we or at list me feel that understand our position it's them and it keeps you in that circle, and as longest your are in that circle it?s impossible to get out of it .

scared
ma

Re: How can we - as loved ones, help our meth addicts?

That is a good question. My 20 year old son (addict) is hard to understand sometimes. He is doing really well right now. He actually looks HEALTHY!!!!!! He is flat broke may be one reason, I know he is still smoking pot and I don't know what pills he is taking.

Here is what I am doing. He is suppose to be in court 06/06/06 for DUI. I had wrote the judge and DA a letter asking them to court order him to rehab. I was planning on talking with the DA today personally, I decided against that and I will tell you why.

One reason is if he is not ready to recover rehab will not help. It has to be his decision. Second I started praying several weeks ago that God would put his arms around my son and let him know he loves him and can help him. About a week ago I received some info in the mail and there were several pamphlets on Meth addiction. The back of one of the pamphlets had GOD WITH HIS ARMS AROUND A YOUNG MAN!!!!.
I took this as a sign from God that he has my son and I need to back off and let him take care of the situation. Call me crazy, religious phanatic, or whatever, I don't care. I know what I feel in my heart and I have enough faith that I know God will take my son where he needs to go and bring him back out. I have know idea what his plan is for my son but I have to accept whatever it is. Genesis chapter 22 in the Bible is a really good chapter about letting go. I also have been going to Alanon meetings once a week and I am learning that I am only responsible for ME.
I cannot control what someone else does. What ever happens in court on Tuesday I will accept as Gods will for my son.

pcejp

Re: How can we - as loved ones, help our meth addicts?

From a mom's point of view who has a 17 year old daughter with 9 months meth free:

I knew nothing about meth, except for knowing that it was a horrible drug. I pictured people using it who lived on the streets and had nothing else going for them.

My world fell apart when my daughter told me she was using. She was everyone's dream child. I learned everything I could on this drug. It helped me understand the hold it had on her and that it wasn't about me. I learned that her recovery was in her hands (which is hard to grasp). I could no longer hold her hand and keep her safe.

On News Year's Day (she was still in treatment and coming home in two weeks), my eyes kept focusing on a picture she gave to me for Christmas of the two of us hugging. It brought back the pain of what this drug did to her, to me, the family, and how it changed her life. I knew at that moment that I had to make a resolution to myself that this was a new beginning and I needed to put any pain, grief, guilt, questions, etc. behind me. Her recovery was a new chapter in our lives.

I continue to support her and praise her accomplishments and tell her how proud I am of her hard work. I do not believe she would be in the place she is now if I let the pain take over our lives.

Your sister knows you are there for her whenever she needs you. That's what sisters are for. She is lucky to have you in her life.

Prayers to you and your family.

up
against
thewall

Re: How can we - as loved ones, help our meth addicts?

Scared Mom,
It takes a long time to come to that decision. Letting go and Letting God. I have gotten there though.
Does not mean that I have completely turned my back on her, just means that I stepped aside, realized I might have been a hinderance and turned her over. As long as the powers that be has control, it will work out.

TerryCa

Re: How can we - as loved ones, help our meth addicts?

Scaredma your post makes me cry. But I'm so happy that you are sharing your burden. What a r-e-l-i-e-f!!

Strunzleon, if someone is telling you something is wrong are they trying to get you to open up and discuss something with you? In response to you about negative comments "someone" makes to you, I'm sorry. I guess it is natural to push them away. I do the same thing. I appreciate your feed back.

Strunzleon, out of love we do and say things which may not be the "right" thing for you. Everyone is different and I for one try and honor those differences.

Kell
happy

Re: How can we - as loved ones, help our meth addicts?

Sometimes helping is really hard. I agree about getting educated. I think everyone having anything to do with meth (users, ex-users, loved ones of users) should get educated. My opinion. Knowledge can be power.

Also, try to get a handle on the difference between support and enabling. This is tough. Sometimes it seems hard-hearted. It can be terrifying for loved ones to practice "tough love"...after all, you don't know what will happen to us if you let us go and take all the responsibility for our own behavior. But I firmly believe, in my case, that some tough love saved my life. I got tossed out of my house. I don't even think my mom knew I was on drugs. She just knew my behavior was unacceptable and she asked me to leave. That was the beginning of my "hitting bottom" period, which was really hard (that's an understatement) but was also the beginning of the end of my meth use. I am so grateful for that. In my opinion, and what I've heard and observed, whenever people enable users (give money, food, shelter, comfort, don't confront, don't stand up for their own safety, sanity and well-being) then it is just that much easier for the user to continue using. The more we get enabled, the easier it is for us to keep using. Now that I'm a parent, it is terrifying for me to even think about having to be as brave as my mom was. I can't imagine doing it, but I know that it helped save my life. As terrifying as it was for her not to know where I was, and what I was doing, I can't imagine how much worse and terrifying it could have gotten if I hadn't reached that bottom. Who knows what might have happened if I'd kept on using meth?

the
funny
farm9

Re: How can we - as loved ones, help our meth addicts?

H,
Thanks everyone so much for the replies. I can't even tell you how much it means to me-especially today as I will spend most of tomorrow in meetings with my sister in the facility. Then we will have visitation afterwards. I will take all of the advice and try to apply it as best I can to her situation.
I may have worded my post wrong, my sister is not averse to treatment, in fact she is embracing it and begging for more. She said it was a relief to be arrested (after the hubbub had died down)
She lost her son when she was arrested (He is currently a foster child of our mother) so that he would not become a ward of the state.
I just look at her and look in her eyes and it scares me to death. Her actions and thoughts (it seems like she is in denial about what could possibly happen to her in court) and it goes back to her eyes. Very crazed looking.
Its scary

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I continue to support her and praise her accomplishments and tell her how proud I am of her hard work. I do not believe she would be in the place she is now if I let the pain take over our lives.

Cathy, Thank you for a sympathetic point of view with a positive result. I will pray for you and yours and I hope you will continue to pray for us.

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Call me crazy, religious phanatic, or whatever, I don't care. I know what I feel in my heart and I have enough faith that I know God will take my son where he needs to go and bring him back out.

I couldn't agree more scaredma, I believe the exact same thing about my sister. I also know that I am exactly where I am because that is where God wants me right now and I feel it is my job to support and promote her recovery.
I have done so much research I feel like I might know more than her about the drug (probably not) but I know I have never lived the lifestyle and I know that is big in her addiction.
I would never try to force her to be clean or to make that choice for her. This is all about her, right now she gets to choose life or life with meth which doesn't include her son or most of the rest of us. We are all giving her a chance, this is her first time in trouble and it has been made plain that all of the family support will be gone if it happens again.
I would probably still be there for her, she's my little sister but I don't want her to know that!
Her son has been through hell, I am in hell, our Dad is in Hell-I don't hesitate to tell my sister gently, that not only has she devastated her life right now, but the rest of us are suffering as well. I feel she has to take responsibility for what this drug has done to all of us.
I don't condemn her, I just remind her and in the next breath I tell her how much I (and all of the rest of us) love her.
Because, bottom line, we do!
We want her better for herself and us, we are missing a part of our family right now, like she has died or something and we want her back. We want our Kristy, and she seems to want to come back and she may (probably) disappoint us but I feel everyone deserves a chance and she is working very hard right now on her recovery so I will work just as hard on my support of her.
Please pray for us.

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Peace and Love,

Kelly, that says it best and thanks to all of you for being a part of our lives and recovery (hopefully)